Well the first days are the hardest days,
Don’t you worry any more, ‘Cause when life looks like easy
Street, there is danger at your door.
Think this through with me, let me know your mind.
Woh – oh, what I want to know, is are you kind?~Uncle John’s Band, the Grateful Dead
As I was driving home from the temple tonight a mini-realization struck me, so I figured what the hey, why not blog about it. After finishing up the Deity worship I sat down to listen to Bhagavad-Gita class given by Her Grace Srimati Vishnupriya Mataji (aka my Guru Mataji). When Mataji opened it up for questions I took the opportunity to whittle away at the seemingly innumerable stock of unanswered questions that sit in my notebook. I’m always looking for opportunities to ask these questions, yet it’s finding a time where the questions fit into the context of the class or a senior devotee is present & available to give time that is the difficulty.
Anyhow I started to ask questions about the modes of material nature. The first question was something to the effect that Srila Gurudeva said in a previous class that in order to become Krishna conscious we must get out of the modes, yet to get out of the modes we must be Krishna conscious, so how to understand this?
The answer was that we have to follow the instruction given by Guru, Sadhu, & Sastra and capitalize on whatever little Krishna consciousness we already have and gradually we will transcend the modes.
The next question was that I had read in a purport to Srimad Bhagavatam somewhere in the 4th canto that “the temple is non-different from Vaikuntha-loka and the 3 modes cannot enter the temple.” If this is the case then how can a person like myself enter into the temple, if I am under the modes? From this it would seem that the modes are entering with me into the temple.
The answer was that the temple is beyond the modes, it is doing nothing wrong, there is nothing wrong with the temple activities, what’s wrong is with me. I am in tama guna or whatever other mode. I am thinking whatever nonsense, so in that sense I am not actually in the temple but, rather in the modes. (yeah, tis’ a bit mind-boggling to think of that) Everyone in the temple may be in different modes, yet the temple remains transcendental to this.
After packing up a bit of prasad and offering my obeisances, I walked out to my car and began to reflect on all that transpired. As I was walking it hit me that this is actual kindness. Though the words of a sadhu may indeed be very cutting and hurt like anything, they have our highest interest at hand. Despite our constant protesting and rebelling the sadhu continues to try and bring us to the highest level. They are in actuality our greatest well wisher as they are trying to bring us out of maya and into Krishna consciousness. They want to bring us beyond the temporary happiness of the material world which is nothing more than veiled suffering to the platform of eternal happiness which relies on nothing external. They want us to become atma-rama (self-satisfied).
Mulling over what had happened tonight and how Guru Mata heavily propounded in the lecture that there is no happiness to be had in the material world, made me realize that this is my actual well-wisher. Here is a person who actually cares for me and knows what’s best for me. At the same time I felt bad for all the hell I have put both Srila Gurudeva & Mataji through with my insubordinate behavior and constant protesting to stay in maya. I feel grateful that they are patiently tolerating me and continuing to offer me all good guidance to get out of the mental mess I’m in.
As you are approaching the end of this you may be asking, why did I start this blog post off with some lyrics to a Grateful Dead song. Well in my mind it’s a no brainer… but my mind works way differently than the rest of the worlds so a little explanation.
At first everything may appear dandy “when life looks like easy street…”, but if you “think this through with me, let me know your mind” you’ll realize often times things are as they initially appear “there is danger at your door”. What we perceive to be kindness is in actuality cruelty, and what we perceive to be cruelty is in actuality kindness.Srila Rupa Goswami has nicely explained this by saying, “My friends chastise me and my enemies praise me.”
If we can detach ourselves the grumblings of our false ego for a bit, we can see things through the lens of our real ego and understand things as they are. Hence this brings me to a prayer I have been regularly offering to the Deities, namely begging them to help me see things as they really are, to understand in the highest sense what is right and what is wrong. Tonight I feel they blessed me with a glimpse of that vision so, I thought I would share with hopes that perhaps They may bless me with deeper realization and 20/20 or perhaps I should say 108/108 transcendental vision.
premanjana-cchurita-bhakti-vilocanena
santah sadaiva hrdayesu vilokayanti
yam syamasundaram acintya-guna-svarupam
govindam adi-purusam tam aham bhajami“I worship the primeval Lord, Govinda, who is always seen by the devotee whose eyes are anointed with the pulp of love. He is seen in His eternal form of Syamasundara, situated within the heart of the devotee.” – Sri Brahma Samhita Chapter 5, “Hymn to the Absolute,” Mantra 38.
